armlessbear.com

Giant Bunnies in Grocery Stores

So last night at Giant (a supermarket chain out here) I stumbled across a GIANT bin of stuffed bunny rabbits. Some were ugly, purple, fuzzy old things and one was a very cute brown bunny with a cute fuzzy white tail and big brown plastic eyes.
It was about 3 feet long and weighed about 10 pounds, but it was so cuuuuuuuuuute. I thought it should be our shopping mascot and placed it on the top of the cart.

Mr. Sourpuss decided it was unseemly and emasculating to push a stuffed bunny through the store and made me take command of the cart. Actually, he walked far away from me and kept telling me to put the bunny back. Have I mentioned the cart had a definite list to the left? It was quite difficult to push the loaded cart, keep the Bunny balanced, and not list. Mike should have helped!

Hmmph! I thought Mr. Giant™ Bunny was adorable and it made many people in the store laugh. Who could NOT laugh at a woman with a half-crazed smirk on her face pushing a Giant™ Bunny through the store on a listing cart? Who? Only those who had their sense of humor surgically removed, thats who!

I want to go back and buy the Giant™ Bunny so I can put him in various humorous places. Who thinks I should buy the Bunny? Who thinks Mike is Mr. Sourpuss? Who thinks I’m crazy?

Alright Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <sheesh>

Sheesh,

You get a blog with a comment feature and suddenly EVERYONE has an opinion.

LAY OFF. I liked the gradients and since I didn’t know that they weren’t apropos for web design I thought they were just fine. As it happens, I have been working on my own new design for my website. You all may have to live with gradients for a few more days because of the following things:

1. I’m wading through complicated statistics at work and don’t have time to play designer.


2. My parents are coming for a 4 day visit on Thursday so any weekend designing hopes are shot.


3. As a result of aforementioned parental visit I must clean like a mad-woman to make my house presentable to my parents.


4. And finally, sometimes I don’t want to look at an f’ing computer at the end of the day.

So…we’ll all just have to find a way to cope. I hear copious amounts of alcohol work well. Ball-gags, I hear, work well too.

I must now continue to crunch endless numbers for the sake of the United States Patent and Trademark Office.

Toodles, kiddies.

Other less common side effects are....

As some of you may know, I’m taking a very nice drug called Prevacid. This nice little pill prevents my stomach from producing acid. Its working well because I don’t have that sort of acid stomach problem anymore and I could probably eat a whole cheeseburger and not regret it at 2am.
HOWEVER
It has certain side effects which are allegedly not common…For your entertainment and amusement I’ve listed a few below. Let us play a game and guess which ones I’ve been having:

• Abnormal dreams


• agitation


• insomnia


• emotional lability – kudos if you know what this is without looking it up. For the rest of us who aren’t mental health professionals: This term describes the state of a person whose moods are unstable and changeable. A sense of solidity is missing, and the person overreacts to seemingly trifle, inconsequential events.


• depersonalization – a psychopathological syndrome characterized by loss of identity and feelings of unreality and strangeness about one’s own behavior


• thinking abnormality. What the hell is this?


• hallucinations

Mind you, these are only the “Nervous System” side effects. The list is a page long, small type font, covering every part of your anatomy and physiology. Did you know a side effect for men can be growing breasts? On the bright side, my stomach feels much better.
Well, dear reader, you’ll be happy to know that the only side effects from this list I have personally experienced are the first three. Let me warn you, if you EVER take Prevacid, DON’T take it at night. Your dreams will be all kinds of f’ed up. Believe me. In the last 2 nights I have had 3 dreams which would fall under the abnormal dream category, perhaps even nightmarish.
Let me regale you with two I can actually write down and have it make sense.

Dream One, Saturday night. 3am. I’m in Spooner at my parents house, a huge rain has eroded the drive way and I find a half buried tomb with an effigy of a person who is at first very St. Nick-ish and then a later turns into a young pale woman. I call my good friend the archaeologist to help me dig it up. It turns out to be a young, pale, blonde pregnant girl who was obviously murdered (how do I know this?) and buried under the ground to conceal the crime. She wasn’t supposed to be pregnant and was murdered because she was such a wicked person. The giant backhoe we used to pull the granite tomb out is suddenly possessed by unhappy spirits who dig a VERY deep hole, drop in the tomb and take the police car who has suddenly appeared to investiage a 100 year old murder, bend it in the middle killing a cop and the archaeologist and bury them. Meanwhile I’m running through my house which is now an Old-World style castle with huge stone walls screaming like a banshee. They’re gonna kill me too because I know about the dead girl in the ground. I’m wondering why even spirts care about this when its been over 100 years since she’s been killed. No one could possibly be convicted, but they think I must die and be buried just like the girl. Then I wake up glad that when I dream I don’t vocalize or I would have woken up the whole neighborhood.

Dream #2, shortly after I fall back to sleep after the last one. I’m in Madison to visit family and my grandmother and I have to catch the Van Galder back to Chicago to fly home to DC. I don’t want to fly because I have too many suitcases, 2 monitors and a computer so I decide to drive. I get some CDs from the trunk of my Civic and get back into my car which has suddenly turned into a 7-11 gas station/mini mart that I am going to drive back. All this, of course, seems perfectly normal. Also, the floors are unusually white and clean and the lights are bright. This is the only abnormal part, 7-11s are never that clean and bright. Tim Benson and his big brown dog appear. (note to readers: Tim does not have a big brown doggie) He has to use the bathroom and I have lost the giant wooden keychain these sorts of places always seem to have for the bathroom so I give him the master keys. Tim then proceeds to try to feed my keys to his dog and tells me its easy to fish them out of his throat and he won’t really swallow them. Eeew eew eew! After he comes back I put the keys in the cash register and fire up the car/7-11 and drive right past O’Hare airport.
Yeah. No more prevacid at night. Always take the pill in the morning. I had another weird one this morning, but its too convoluted to even try to give a plot. Also, it was conveniently interrupted by the alarm going off at 5 fucking am because Mike forgot to reset it from taking Derek to the airport Saturday morning
Now I must work.

And I'd like to thank....

Wow. Kirstin has a blog and I know what you’re all thinking… I knew she was a computer whiz, but who knew she had such excellent html, sql, php, and photoshop talents?
Well the answer is simple. I don’t. But I have something better than all these skills. I have Mike, a one-man system administation/web development team. You’ll notice this web log doesn’t have a little “powered by blogger” logo anywhere on the page. This is because, of course, Mike wrote his own engine, which is much, much cooler than Blogger. I invite everyone to e-mail Mike and tell him how awesome he is. While I find some way of thanking him personally.

Out of the mists of an ancient Irish past....

Hellooo, this is my first Blog. I will dedicate it to the Franklin Mint. Check out these spectacular rings.

• Celtic Cross Ring


• Lord of the Rings “Band of Power”

These are the stupidest things I’ve seen, but they make me laugh heartily.

Yay me. My Blog has arrived.